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I am incredibly sad. I am grieving. A few weeks ago, I lost the love of my life to a very untimely and inexplicable death.
I am sadder than I can even begin to say. I have resorted somewhat to carb loading, especially at night (although I am happy with healthy carbs) to take the edge off my pain.
I kept close to my friends and family.
I used essential oils and binaural beats, especially at night when I was hurting the most.
I have been mindful in this process, being careful to contain weight gain (I topped this off at 5 pounds), while giving myself the space to treat my unbearable pain with my tried and true method of coping that is not very healthy – eating.
I understood exactly what I was doing and I did not condemn myself.
Six weeks later, I can tell you that I am functioning better overall, sleeping better, losing the extra pounds, I have improved my nutrition and am making a very concerted effort to restore my overall sense of wellbeing and wanting to engage in my life. I am using my faith more than ever.
I no longer feel like crying throughout the day (although I still cry at times), and the pain of this loss is diminished…less intense.
I am a work in progress. I am still sad but am making progress. I seem to have bottomed out about 4 weeks after he died, and have been making a slow ascent for the past couple of weeks.
Is it healthy to grieve? You bet it is. Without allowing the grief a right of passage, I am in danger of going into a deep depression and perhaps needing to be hospitalized. But a healthy approach back to regaining my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical balance should keep my head above water, treading, while I lead myself back to full health. I want this.
I will never forget my wonderful friend, but I will love again. I promised myself that I would.
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